Date sent:        Fri, 27 Jun 1997 
From:             macspooky macspooky@erols.com

Well, this is a post "Gethsemane" story.  I rather liked the interaction between 
Dana and her brother Bill, so I decided to follow up on it and do some filling in 
of the blanks.  The X-Files still belong to Chris Carter, Fox, Ten Thirteen, etc. 
and continue to borrow.  Hmm....its been about two years now.  Guess they 
haven't noticed or don't care.  I finished this story on May 21, 1997.


I don't care where it gets posted as long as it has my name on it.  I can be 
reached as macspooky@erols.com.


Summary:  Bill Scully confront Mulder about "where the hell he has been during 
Dana's time of need."  

Rated R for language and some violence.  Not a romance but somewhat "shippy."


"Tears"

   by

Macspooky


Bill Scully got into his car and pounded on the  steering wheel.  He was an 
angry man, a confused man.  He was angry at God for allowing Melissa to be 
killed.  He was angry at his other sister who he tried, for his mother's sake, 
not to blame.  He was angry because Dana was going to die too.  She would die  
leaving their mother behind, once again shattered by grief.  He could not 
acknowledge the fact that he was hurt at the idea of losing Dana too, that 
although she hadn't been his favorite like Melissa, she was still his baby 
sister.  No....it was easier on him simply to blame her, but he didn't see it 
that way.  He didn't see himself as trying not to deal with the eventuality 
of his own grief.  


He sat up finally and stared out the car window.  He loved Dana.  He did.  He 
tried to be patient with her, but she was impossible. She didn't think of anyone, 
anyone but herself, of anything but her work.  No...that wasn't true.  There was 
one other person she thought about, one other person who was not a member of family.  
Damn her anyway.  He couldn't stand to see the sad look in his mother's eyes, the 
look that Dana had put there.  Would it have hurt his damned sister to talk to Father 
McHugh?  Would it hurt her to pretend for her mom's sake that she gave a damn 
about the Church that had always been so important to their parents?  It would 
make mom feel so much better, especially with dad gone.  


Yeah....dad.  She had done a number on him too..that little sister of his.  She 
had always been dad's favorite even though he had tried to hide it, and Dana had 
broken his heart by throwing away years of medical school and joining the FBI.  
And yet, when he had seen her so battered and bruised....and swearing she was 
fine...he had wanted to hold her...he had wanted to throttle her.  He had wanted 
to be her brother big brother.


Finally his anger turned outward, away from his kid sister to Fox Mulder.  Where 
the hell was he?  And why was his sister so damned blind? Margaret told him that 
Dana loved Fox very much.  He knew that Margaret hoped one day Fox and Dana would 
marry.  He just didn't get it. Was his sister enamored of her partner that she 
could see no faults in the man?  She was sick.  She was dying.  Mulder seemed to be 
somewhere else instead of supporting the woman who loved him.  Maybe he just 
didn't give a flying fig what happened to her.  


Well, he would get this Mulder's address.  He would wait as long as he had to 
until Mulder showed his face.  Then he would set some things straight with the man.  
Whatever was going on, however angry she made him, he was still Dana's big brother.  
It was time for a man to man with Fox Mulder.  Certainly, it wasn't fair that their 
mother was going to have to bear the whole burden for Dana alone.  Fox Mulder had 
had a lot to do with whatever was happening to Dana, and Fox Mulder could just 
take the responsibility for it.  That's what he would do.  He would let Mulder 
know just where his responsibilities lie.  He went home.  His mom was preparing 
dinner when he got there, but she looked tired and drawn.


"Bill, have you heard from, Dana?" asked the woman.


"Actually I did, mom," he said quietly.  "She's fine."  He lied.  He felt the 
anger grow again.  Now he had to lie for Dana as well.


Fox Mulder's Apartment After His Return from the Yukon


Fox Mulder sat on his couch.  He didn't know what to think.  Dana hadn't come 
with him to the Yukon.  She hadn't seemed interested at all.  Her remark about 
finding alien life not being her last dying wish had cut deeply.  If it had been 
designed to hurt him, it had.  Now he was back and once again all the evidence 
had been snatched away from him.  There was death and destruction all around 
him.   He wasn't certain who or what to believe any more.  He certainly didn't 
believe Kritschgaus except for one thing the man had said. It was true was that 
they had given his partner cancer and it had been his fault. He didn't know 
what to do next.   He knew she believed it too.  She had told him as much.  She 
hadn't blamed him of course.  She never did.  She just accepted it and went on, 
but that almost made it worse.   He was exhausted and couldn't seem to think.


The knock on his door shocked him.  He hadn't been expecting anyone.  He knew it 
wasn't Scully's knock.  He hoped it wasn't the Gunmen.  He wasn't in the mood.  
When he opened it, he was very nearly knocked off his feet by a 6'4" man.  
There was something familiar about him although Fox couldn't have 
told you what it was.  He reached for his gun but it was on his coffee table.


"You sorry son of a bitch.....I should kill you for what you've done to my 
family....to my sister.....and just where the hell have you been?"


"Who the hell are you?" he demanded edging backwards.


"My name is Bill Scully.  It took me awhile to find your address, Mulder.  Smart 
not to be in the phonebook.  I'm sure enough people hate you so that you'd rather 
not be found.  Mom had her address book tucked away in her purse but I knew if I 
looked hard enough I'd get here.  Where the hell have you been?"


"What business of that is yours?"  Bill saw Mulder inching toward his weapon.  
He was an expert in unarmed combat and went on the attack grabbing the smaller 
more delicately built man.


"Have you seen my sister?  Did you see the bruises on her face or the blood on 
her back?  Where the hell were you when she was getting beat up?"


Dana had told him the bruise on her face was nothing, that she had tripped on 
the stairs and fallen.  They had shared a joke about her high heels.  Dana 
always said she was fine...that it was nothing.  He hadn't really  believed her, 
but he respected her privacy.  It was the way Dana Scully was.


"She told me she fell...." he stammered beginning to get angry himself.


"Well, she lied and she didn't call you from the hospital when it happened, 
Mulder.  She called mom but she got me instead.  Well, my mother doesn't need 
to deal with it right now...."


"I didn't know....what hospital?"


"You didn't know because you never ask."  He slammed Mulder into the wall 
knocking the wind out of him and effectively  blocked any retaliation.  
"Have you asked about the cancer lately?  I  didn't think so.  Well its in 
her blood stream you mother f**king bastard.  Your partner....my sister.... 
is a dead woman and I want to know where the hell you are going to be when 
she is lying in bed and can't move.  Who's gonna bring her the bedpan, Mulder?  
Huh?  You?  Or is my mother going to have to do it all?  And when 
it is all over, who the hell is going to deal with mom's grief? You?"


Mulder was so stunned he didn't know what to say.  He hadn't known.  She hadn't 
told him that either.  She had known when he had left for the Yukon.  She had 
not gone with him because she physically had been unable to make the journey 
and he had bee so focused once again on his quest that he hadn't even 
thought about it.  He had thought she was just being stubborn again.  Suddenly 
things fell into place.  She had told him that the ice cores were stolen, but 
she hadn't told him about having been beat up.  He had met the man from the DOD, 
but it hadn't occurred to him that he might have been the one to steal them 
and cause the bruises on her face.....  Oh, God.......


"I don't get it, Mulder...you know.  My sister loves you so much you can do no 
wrong in her eyes.....Well, I hope before she dies she sees you for what you
 really are...."


"Bill...what are you doing here?" a voice demanded from the door.  Neither one 
of them had heard her enter.


"I was....I was just having a little talk with your partner," he snapped turning 
toward his sister.  "Telling him the facts of life and death....your death."


"Let him go, Bill." she ordered.  "You get out of here right now, Bill Scully.  
Go....just go.....and stay the hell out of my life."  She was really furious.  
She couldn't believe that Bill would do this to her, not now, not like this. 
She felt nauseous and betrayed.  He was her big brother.  She loved him.
  

"Sure....fine...whatever...baby sister....just don't be expecting to mom to 
clean up the mess when you are puking and shitting on your deathbed.  It was 
bad enough that Melissa.....hell.... that oughtta be his job..."  Bill pointed 
at Mulder and then walked to the door.  "I should kill you, Mulder.  I should 
kill you for what you've done to my family.  Daddy would be turning over in 
his grave if he saw the kind of man you were involved with, Dana.  He might 
have mom snowed.....but it wouldn't have worked on dad."  The door slammed 
behind him.


"Are you alright, Mulder?" she asked quietly when her brother was gone.  She was 
shaking inside.  She couldn't believe that Bill would be so hateful.  She knew 
he was very upset about their mother.  She was too, but it was hard to fathom 
her big brother saying  the things he had said.  Of course, in her heart of 
hearts she had always known he blamed her for Melissa, but had clung to the hope 
that she was wrong.  That hope was now shattered along with everything else in 
her life, or what there was left of her life.   Bill had loved Melissa so much.  
Bill had loved Melissa and now she had not only lost Missy, but Bill as well.


"Yeah....I'm fine," he said sarcastically, "Just dandy....life is great."


"I'm sorry about Bill.  I don't know what came over him....I....."


"I do....I know what came over him.....I had a sister once..." he felt suddenly 
so angry.  He turned her around and before she could react he pulled up her blouse 
ripping it in the process.  "Oh, God...oh God...Dana....why didn't you tell me you 
got beat up when the ice cores were stolen?"


"I didn't get beat up!"


"Then who did this to you?  Who put all these cuts and bruises on you?  It was 
that creep from the DOD wasn't it?" he demanded looking at her.


"I got knocked down a flight of stairs....look...its....."


"And why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you f**king tell me that the cancer had 
spread?  Do you think I would have left you?  Do you, Scully?  Do you?"


"Let go of me," she said quietly, "You are hurting me."


He did quickly and suddenly.  He hadn't even realize that he had been shaking 
her like a rag doll.  "Jeez....I didn't know you meant it literally....I didn't 
know you meant that it wasn't really your last dying wish....."  He sat down on 
the sofa heavily.  "I thought...well I thought....I don't know what the hell I 
thought.....Maybe I was just wishing that things were normal and you were having 
a fit of PMS or something, that you wouldn't come with me because I had done 
something stupid to annoy you and you'd get over it like you always do....."


Dana sat beside him.  "Mulder," she said softly, "if I had told you, you would 
not have gone and I knew you had to go...okay?  I'm not going to be the one to 
keep you from your search for the truth.  I may think you are crazy sometimes, 
and sometimes I know I don't understand, but......"  She hesitated.  

"But what, Scully?" he asked his voice breaking.  He felt as though he couldn't 
take much more.


Dana swallowed.  Some things were hard for her....just so difficult....but now 
she was running out of time. "I love you, Mulder.  I love you very much and I 
can't have that on my conscience....okay?"  She had been holding those words 
in for so long.  It was never easy for her to speak of her feelings anyway and 
she had liked what they had so much...their friendship...their partnership.  
She had never wanted to ruin it with words.  She turned his chin toward her.  
"Okay? Can you understand that?  I didn't mean to.  I just do."


He just nodded.  He didn't know what to say.  She had just told him that she 
loved him.   He had longed to hear that for a very long time.
 

"Now we aren't going to talk about this anymore," she informed him.  "Bill just 
doesn't understand...that's all...and I can't explain it to him.  He's too angry 
right now."


"But we are going to talk about it, Scully.  We have to because Bill is right.  
This is my responsibility....not your mothers.....I......"


"Mulder, it's no ones responsibility but my own.  My mother will have her grief 
and I'm sorry about that.  There is nothing I can do about it though.  You'll 
have yours......"


"We aren't talking about grief here, Scully....We are talking about 
you...getting sick and needing care....and....things I never wanted to think 
about again after you came out of your coma." He sighed.  "I love you too, Scully.  
I love you more than anything.....I love you more than the truth and I don't know 
why it had to take you getting cancer for me to see it."  He pulled her into his 
arms.  "I....can't lose you.  I can't.  I can't.  I can't."  He repeated it like 
a Mantra.


"You'll be alright, Mulder.  You will."  She wished she believed it.  She 
respected him too much to give him false reassurance that she would be alright.  
In reality, Dana knew she was not well.  She was holding her own, but things were 
deteriorating.  Soon, very soon, Skinner was going to have to take her out of the 
field.  She had already stayed too long and the moment would come when she would 
falter at a critical moment.  Soon after that, she wouldn't even be able to 
function behind a desk.


She lifted her face and he looked at her, his eyes meeting hers.  He took her 
face in his hands, and this time when he kissed her, it wasn't on the forehead.


Fox Mulder sat on his couch staring at the TV set.  He had turned it on because 
the apartment had suddenly become too quiet.  NASA hearings....the channel had 
been set on NASA hearings.  He felt tears running down his cheeks.  It had been 
the most bittersweet night of his life....pulling Dana Scully into his 
arms.  Oddly, they hadn't made love.  It just hadn't felt like the right time in 
spite of the fact that time was in the shortest supply of anything. Her body was 
so beautiful in his arms though, so perfect,  inspite of the fact that he could 
feel all her ribs through her torn blouse from the excessive weight loss she had 
been experiencing, in spite of his knowledge of the hideous tattoo on her back and 
the bruises that he knew marked her and made her wince if he touched her the wrong 
way, inspite of the fact that it was breaking down from inside of her.  There had 
been whispered plans, words of how things would be when they were together as though 
there was all the time in the world....words of hope....spoken by her to keep him 
strong.  Every touch was in his mind....the feel of her....the oneness of their 
souls as they lay together in a bond that was stronger than sex.  When she had  
finally left, he had hardly been able to bear it.  The hours that they had spent 
clinging to one another had only confirmed the universe's one absolute.. the only 
constant....the fact that he could never again live without her.  He picked up 
his gun.  He wouldn't live without her.

The end